90 Day Chip

90

When I finally decided to get sober, I started  with Belle and Tired of thinking About Drinking’s 100 Day challenge.  I relied solely on her for the first 3 weeks.  I then started clicking on the blog roll on her page, and found quite a few friendly, sober people to engage with.  It was extremely helpful to read other people’s stories, so many I could relate to.  It validated my thoughts and feelings, it made me feel “normal”

I also reached out to a friend I used to work with who has been sober for 18 years.  He has become my sober pen pal, he has he gotten me through some really rough spots.  He had gone to AA in the beginning of his sobriety, and suggested I try it.  I had also read that many bloggers were also committed to the 12 steps, and were happily sober.

So, I figured if all of these people, who had maintained their sobriety had tried AA, I should to.

First, I had to get used to the idea.   Emotionally and mentally  it meant that I had to admit I really did have a problem with alcohol, and was potentially an alcoholic.  I spent a lot of time perusing the AA meetings page, trying to see a time that would fit into my “schedule”. (Yeah, I don’t work, that was tough.)  It was really about getting up my nerve to go. To do that, I needed to find a meeting that was close enough to my house so that  I had no excuse not to go.   I have been attending a Monday night meeting for a month.

The first night, it was all men, not a great start. (I thought I had read the schedule wrong)

The following week when  I went a few women showed up, and two “observers”, again, not real comfortable.  I wasn’t sure about this particular group.  It was small, the attendance was inconsistent and there weren’t a lot of females.  When I attend I feel like I am sitting outside a circle of people who have something that I want, but  I can’t get in there to get it.

I went back to the AA meeting list, and found an all women’s meeting.  It was on Thursday nights at 5:30, that worked for my schedule 🙂

My 90th day fell on a Thursday, so I decided to give the all women’s group a try.  Maybe I could find a sponsor, talk to someone, figure out a better way to work the AA program.  I am very interested in finding the serenity that the members of AA seem to have.  I want to work the program, I  hoped this meeting would be a better fit.

I pulled into the parking lot at the designated time, and there wasn’t a single car there.  I waited a few minutes, I got out, wandered around the building, it was locked up tight.  I got back in my car, and called the AA office.  I asked the man who answered if the meeting had been moved or cancelled, he said no, just wait a few minutes and see if someone shows up.  I waited, 15 minutes, no one came.  I went home, horribly disappointed.  Not only because I wanted my 90 day chip on  my 90th day, but because I was looking for answers to questions, and needed help, and no one came.

Last night I went to the Monday night meeting.  The topic of the night was, How did we end up in that room.  In the month I had been attending, I hadn’t said a word.  I am REALLY bad at public speaking, I always have been.  I finally decided it was time to put myself out there, maybe if I gave a little, I would get closer to what I am seeking.  I told my story,I called myself an alcoholic, I broke out in hives while speaking, but I did not cry.  It was hard, but it felt good, I felt like they were interested, and that they cared.

I was the last speaker of the evening.

I  received my 90 day chip.  I felt like Matthew McConaughey accepting the Academy Award, I thanked who I look up to, my higher power, for getting me there.

HigherPower2

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18 thoughts on “90 Day Chip

  1. First of all, congratulations on 90 days. I can relate to a lot to the discomfort of small meetings in the early days. I’m sorry no one showed up the women’s meeting. I’m glad you went back to the Monday meeting and shared and got your chip. People absolutely are interested and they do care and they want to help. Maybe someone there can recommend another meeting to try. I liked the really big ones (often held at ‘clubhouse’ locations) at first because I didn’t feel pressure to speak (a real phobia) and I could hide in the crowd. That being said, the smaller ones were more revealing and rewarding. Everyone told me to try different meetings until I found one I liked. They can feel so different.

    • Thank you. I called AA again today about the women’s meeting, to no avail. She suggested I go to a different meeting held in the same building and ask someone there. There is one Friday night. I may just get my dander up and do a drive by Thursday night to see. I can always use another chip. 😏

    • Oh, it too me weeks of staring at the list. Talking myself into it and out of it. It all seems so earth shattering until you just do it. Getting there and in the door was the hardest part. I have found that alcoholics are really nice and welcoming.
      You will get there, than say like I did, what was my fuss about. 🙆

  2. Congrats on 90 days and getting your chip! “I felt like Matthew McConaughey accepting the Academy Award” – I love it! Did you hear his quote that is running around Twitter – he said something like – I want my hero to be be me in 10 years from now! – so cool. Thank you for being here and sharing your journey with us. HUGS!

    • I thought his speech was excellent. I have read a lot of the online crap that people said he made it all about him, and he mentioned the G word, God. Who cares? It was about him, he did the job, he won the award. How does it affect anyone if he believes in God? I say to each their own, live and let live.
      Thanks for the comment, I am glad to have found all you cool sober people. 🙂

  3. Congratulations on the 90 days! Speaking up in the meetings was and still is difficult for me. I’m so used to keeping it all inside. Even if I say very little I feel as though I’m being heard and understood. I hope you’ll find a meeting that feels good to you. I’m just two days behind you for my 90 days. Joyce

    • I get hives when I do public speaking. When I was a real person and had a real job, anytime I gave a presentation, I had to wear a turtleneck.
      It just transferred to the meeting. I could feel myself getting all flush. It will hopefully get easier.
      Hopefully everything will get easier. 🙂

  4. WOO HOO! Glad you got your chip. The place that gave me my 30 day chip also gives out 60 day chips. I think I need to visit there in 18 days rather than hunt for chips at my local meetings again. Also, check out SMART recovery. They have online meetings. I haven’t done it yet but it might help. http://www.smartrecovery.org/

    • Thanks for the tip. I will check it out. Have you looked at Soberistas yet? I signed up, but haven’t spent anytime on the site. It looks good.
      Go get the chip! It is very validating.
      Really, the little things mean so much!

    • I told Belle that when I first started, i would see the 50 day people and the 100 day people in big red letters at the bottom of her blog. I can remember thinking, there is NO WAY I can do that.
      4 more days to 100. Smiley faces everywhere.

  5. well done on your 90 days, that is wonderful! and 100 comes so soon afterwards, too – like a built in reward
    that process you describe of trying to find a meeting made me wince… being on your own in the car park and no body coming is really sad. so well done you for trying again and getting your chip. that is big brave girl stuff!

    • Now that it is over, it is comical. That being said, I am not that impressed with the AA central office here in the lovely state of Tennessee. I called them the other day to find out if the women’s meeting is still a viable meeting, and all I can say is they were less than helpful.
      I may do a stalking drive by tonight, just to see if they are there since I can’t get any answers. 🙂

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