Book store score

2014-03-19 09.52.24

I got all of these at the used book store for under $30.00.  Big score!  Although, I should have looked a little more closely at the “Food for Thought” book.  It is for over eaters anonymous, but the inspirational thoughts translate to alcohol easily.  I started my morning with the daily readings in both of the inspirational books.  Positive thoughts are a nice way to start the day.

My husband went to the book store with me.  As with most spouses of a newly a sober person, he seems to not know what to say, when to say anything, or how to express his feelings.  He was curious as to why I wanted to get the books, which I misinterpreted as negativity.  When I told him my sponsor recommended them, I felt as though he was giving me a impugning vibe.  I asked him if there was a problem, and  he said no. He just doesn’t know what to think.

We went our separate ways in the book store, which is huge.  I found the books, and wandered over to the fiction isle.  I had set my stack of AA books on a shelf as I was looking at fiction author trying to determine if I had read the book.

He came into the isle, and asked if I was ready to go.  I said sure, and proceeded to pick up the six books.  He just looked at me with this sadness in  his eyes, and said, “Oh honey.”

I came undone.

Tears started streaming down my cheeks, and I asked him if he was ashamed of me.  He just hugged me, as I tried to get myself together, and said NO, he is just so sorry it is so hard for me.

Sometimes the support I don’t think he has for my process is just stuffed away because he doesn’t know what to say.  I misinterpret his silence as condemnation when he is just as confused and heavyhearted as I am.


19 thoughts on “Book store score

  1. Have you heard/ told him about Al-Anon? Attending a few meetings might help him understand what you’re going through and maybe smooth out some gaps in information between the two of you.

    Wishing you all the best of luck ❤
    Those books certainly look like winners!

    • He doesn’t want to quit drinking. That is all he says when I ask him to go to open discussion meetings with me. Time may help. We shall see. Thanks for the luck, it will come in handy.

      • Oh, Al-Anon is a separate group from AA in that it is specifically for friends and family members of problem drinkers, not for people who want to stop drinking.

        But I understand that! Time does seem to heal a lot of things 🙂

    • He isn’t interested in any of it right at this moment. Maybe deep down he is struggling with his drinking in comparison to my not drinking now. He used to be the “good” drinker, and I was the drunk. Now he is the only drinker. Big change in status.
      He used to have the upper hand, as George from Seinfeld said, “He has no hand” now.
      Maybe he will come around, maybe not. I have to take care of me. 🙂

  2. He sounds like a sweetheart. 🙂

    That first book, “Living Sober” is where I got my best advice ever years ago (though it took forever for me to actually follow it): Just don’t take that first drink. For some of us, a whole day is too much to think about, so focusing only on not taking that very first drink really helps me.

  3. Pingback: Bits and Pieces « Sober at 51

  4. I was reading in bed last night and my hubbie asked me, “Is that another one of those ‘not drinking’ books?” Honestly, by his tone, you’d think I was reading something really unsavoury. I find reading a lot around the subject so helpful right now, just sort of keeping my head in the right place, if you know what I mean. Good luck with your titles – you did well getting that lot for under $30! The overeating thing is interesting. I think there are a lot of similarities between dysfunctional eating and dysfunctional drinking – you may find there are some interesting insights in that book. Change is tough and scary, not just the people trying to change, but for those by our sides. Hugs. x

    • My husband says the same things. I read blogs, sober memoirs, Allan Carr, Mr Sponsorpants. I email friends who have been in AA. It is time consuming, but SO helpful, and WAY cheaper then bottle after bottle of wine. It is a learning curve for all involved. It isn’t easy for any of us. I think, because I am going through it, I am the only one it is hard for. It is hard for me to consider his feelings, especially in light of the fact he didn’t like my drinking. But change in a relationship is big.
      Hugs to you too. We just have to stay strong and keep trying.

  5. My husband still drinks but is incredibly supportive, he doesn’t want me to go back to my old ways. He’s not ready to quit either. In the beginning he was wary of all my reading and blog commenting, etc. he has come to accept that it’s part of my sobriety journey and I say if he wants me to stay sober he’s going to put up with it. And so he does. Men deal with sobriety in such a different way, I think your hubby showed some support there. It takes time and we are changing. Sometimes they get afraid we’ll change so much we won’t want them anymore. They just can’t voice those feelings.

    • I agree with you. Neither of us are great communicators, so it has been a slippery slope. I am trying, but I am not good at saying what I am feeling. You are right, it takes time, and patience. Nothing about any of this is either fast or easy.

  6. It is a learning process for him just as it is for you. If he was not supportive he would not have been with you at the bookstore. Give him time to adjust just as I am sure you are giving him time. Just a thought. Congrats on the book finds!

  7. Stay strong Sister….He has to see you changing and growing and doing the next right thing!! I am sure he is proud of you not embarrassed. Hugs and Sobriety to you both!

  8. Just because we change and sober up, doesn’t mean they are on board right away. They too have to figure things out, now that things and dynamics have shifted.

    As for the time spent on recovery – they say that if we spend even half the time on recovery than we did on drinking, we’re doing well. I too used to get VERY into the books (I probably have 50-60 recovery books, or related) and the blogs, meetings, etc. I mean, I still do, but it’s more balanced. Early on though, we find that jumping in with both feet is probably the best way. Half measures avail us nothing.

    My wife doesn’t fully get it all, but in the end, she knows that she has a present, sober, happy hubby. And that’s all that matters to her and the boys 🙂

    Great haul 🙂

  9. wow, you did get an awesome deal. I just bought the Womens Way through The 12 Steps @ BN for $ 14.95. It is a great supplement. I agree, I think he just doesn’t know what to say at times. Hugs.

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