To be honest with you I thought I would feel much better by now. I really thought the cravings and difficulty of going out where people are having drinks, would also be gone. I was hoping that I would have stopped avidly watching others drink, and wondering WHY I can’t. I thought I would stop counting people’s drinks,and being hyper aware of all of the alcohol in my environment. It hasn’t stopped. I don’t feel comfortable. The minute I go somewhere that alcohol is being served, I feel my skin begin to crawl.
It isn’t that I want to drink; I just don’t want to be around people that are drinking. I don’t want to go to restaurants or bars. I don’t want to look at lovely glasses of wine, frothy beers or beautifully colored frozen drinks. It is sensory overload, and I don’t like it.
My husband has a drink every night, while he watches the news, that doesn’t bother me at all. Maybe because he puts it in a plastic cup and I can’t see it. Maybe because it is vodka, and I don’t like it.
I am also disillusioned about my husbands response to my being sober. I though he would be more involved, happier for me, and keep track of when I hit major milestones, like 4 months. He was hyper vigilant about the amount of money being spent every month on alcohol, but I get no congratulations for NOT spending that money anymore. It was a HUGE thing every month when he balanced the check book, now, not a word, not one, ever. And, let me tell you, he knows, he watches every friggin penny that is spent, how hard would it be for a pat on the back a shout out? Hey, in the 120 days you haven’t been drinking you have saved us about 1200 dollars, thanks! You are really doing a fabulous job. Nada, zilch, nothing.
He also keeps saying things like, I feel guilty having a drink around you. What the fuck and I supposed to do with a statement like that?
I feel like I am pushing a boulder up hill right now.
Isn’t this supposed to get easier? It seems like it is just getting harder.