120 Days

120

To be honest with you I thought I would feel much better by now.  I really thought the cravings and difficulty of going  out where people are having drinks,  would also be gone.  I was hoping that I would have stopped avidly watching others drink, and wondering WHY I can’t.  I thought I would stop counting people’s drinks,and  being hyper aware of all of the alcohol in my environment.  It hasn’t stopped.  I don’t feel comfortable.  The minute I go somewhere that alcohol is being served, I feel my skin begin to crawl.  

It isn’t that I want to drink; I just don’t want to be around people that are drinking.  I don’t want to go to restaurants or bars.  I don’t want to look at lovely glasses of wine, frothy beers or beautifully colored frozen drinks.  It is sensory overload, and I don’t like it.

My husband has a drink every night, while he watches the news, that doesn’t bother me at all.  Maybe because he puts it in a plastic cup and I can’t see it.  Maybe because it is vodka, and I don’t like it. 

I am also disillusioned about my husbands response to my being sober.  I though he would be more involved, happier for me, and keep track of when I hit major milestones, like 4 months.  He was hyper vigilant about the amount of money being spent every month on alcohol, but I get no congratulations for NOT spending that money anymore.  It was a HUGE thing every month when he balanced the check book, now, not a word, not one, ever.  And, let me tell you, he knows, he watches every friggin penny that is spent, how hard would it be for a pat on the back a shout out?  Hey, in the 120 days you haven’t been drinking you have saved us about 1200 dollars, thanks!  You are really doing a fabulous job.  Nada, zilch, nothing.

He also keeps saying things like, I feel guilty having a drink around you.  What the fuck and I supposed to do with a statement like that?

I feel like I am pushing a boulder up hill right now.

pushing-rock-up-hill

Isn’t this supposed to get easier?  It seems like it is just getting harder.

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22 thoughts on “120 Days

  1. I feel your pain, it’s bloody hard work. From everyone I’ve spoken to who has long term sobriety it really does get better and easier- we’ve got some pretty deeply ingrained pathways and behaviors to undo here. Big hugs and take t easy x x x

      • I totally agree. I’m only 7 days in this time, and while I’d love to think that I would be fine around alcohol in a short time, I think it will take a while. All of those years drinking have hardwired our brains to think a certain way about alcohol and it will take time to re-program the brain. Patience, I think, is key. I know I can get lost thinking that if it’s going to be THIS hard all the time, I may as well just drink. But I have to keep the faith that in the long term it does get better. I wonder how we will feel at one year sober? two? three? Keep at it! You inspire me 🙂

      • Thank you elee. Just feeling down today. We just got back from a trip to Austin and it wasn’t great. I need to process it all before I can blog it.
        I guess patience is key, I have an extreme lack of it. 😦

  2. Yey! Congrats on 4 months! Woot woot! You should be really proud, that is huge! But i can also understand why you feel the way you do. I am sorry your hubby is not more supportive, and not to condone his behavior, but remember that normies don’t understand how damn difficult it is! They just don’t. Maybe you can talk to him and let him know. Just and idea. Also i can totally relate to not wanting to be around drinking, i still don’t, that’s how i know that i have the disease, if i was a normie, it wouldn’t bother me. That said, it does get easier, i promise, it really, truly does! Don’t lose the hope. Hugs. And congrats again!

    • Thanks 🙂 I need some props. I appreciate it. I have explained it to the hubs, I just think he doesn’t WANT to get it. I don’t know why. It is a strange dance we are doing right now.
      I am going to keep on. It really is One freaking day at a time some days, isn’t it?

  3. I’m sorry about your hubby’s attitude, truly. Though my husband drinks wine every night he’s really supportive of me and doesn’t want me going back. I’m not going to, so much better now. We’re all wired differently, being around booze doesn’t bother me anymore. But I’m older and my circle of friends doesn’t party like we used to. Though my book group can overdo the champagne sometimes. It’s why I loved book club. Keep on plugging and try to be upbeat, what you’ve done so far is amazing. Treat yourself to something special, 120 days is tremendous. It’s a great accomplishment, you are to be commended. Hope things work out more to your liking with the other half.
    Sharon

  4. Congratulations on your success!! I just hit 120 days today, too, and find myself feeling the same feelings. I agree w/ the above poster about how “normies” don’t get it–they seriously don’t. They forget that you getting sober isn’t like fixing a leaky faucet. Maintaining sobriety requires lots of support. Until you get that from your husband, I hope you’ll keep blogging and leaning on the rest of us for the support and encouragement you deserve!

    • Congratulations to you too! 11/30/2013. Nice to meet someone at the same place with the same feelings. That makes me feel so much better. I missed my usual AS meeting two weeks in a row. I wasn’t sure it helped, but it really does. And blogging and all of you wonderful strangers who are on the same journey. it is nice to know I am “normal” somewhere. 120 days. Yeah us!

  5. Sorry it’s so tough for you right now and that your husband isn’t being more supportive. (Mine also seems to have trouble coming to terms with my decision, and the fact that I’m serious about it.) Have you seen your sponsor again? How is that going? 120 days is a massive achievement – and it’s not just the money you’ve saved, think about all the damage that you *haven’t* been inflicting on body and soul. I haven’t any advice to offer, as you’re way ahead of me, but hang in there. xxx

    • Thanks I appreciate all the kind words. My sponsor is out of town, and we just got back from a trip also. I am going to call one of the ladies tomorrow just for a check in. I can’t figure the husband out. I am getting terrible mixed messages. Things like, you don’t want to sit at a bar to have dinner. Then, what you are doing is good for your health. I would have to say he is disinterested. If I were still spending the money I would get more attention. 🙅

  6. Take care of yourself and don’t be concerned about your husband. If you drank for any amount of time, in due time you’ll start feeling better.
    All we do as alcoholics is think about ourselves. I always wondered why my wife wasn’t acknowledging my sobriety or flipping me accolades. It was because I was now acting like a normal person. Being sober is what friends and family hope and pray for.

  7. Congratulations Sober Learning, 120 days is awesome!! I am at 84 days sober and have a weird vibe from my husband as well. When I quit I didn’t tell him, but given I have literally been drinking just about my entire life (I am 55 and started drinking at age 13) he definitely has noticed. But we don’t talk about it, which is bizarre. I have given it some thought, and the only “me” he has ever known was the drinking version. So for now, while I am busy working on me, I have given the whole “supportive husband” idea a pass. I stay busy taking care of me, and so far it is paying off. Be proud of yourself, you are doing an amazing job and I read your blog to help me stay the course!

    • It is hard. We are supposed to be sharing our life and he seems to be ignoring a big part of mine. Although iceman 18 made a good point. You don’t congratulate people for acting normally. I guess self congratulations should be enough. Maybe?

  8. 120 days is AMAZING! Congratulations! As for your husband, have you told him what you need? Men are very simple creatures…they think in a linear manner and are wired to provide what we need. I suspect he’s confused about what to do for you. He knows the drinking you but this sober you is a new person he doesn’t know. Have you seen the movie, “When A Man Loves A Woman” (Meg Ryan and Andy Garcia)? It helped me to understand my hubs a little bit better after I got sober.

    You’re amazing and you will feel better soon. If you don’t want to go out don’t go. Don’t want to socialize…don’t. Need chocolate? Eat it. Right now is about you being sober…that’s it.

    Sherry

      • I don’t remember if I was drunk or sober but I know it made me cry not because of the couple, but because I could see so much of myself in her. It really hit me hard.

        The second (third?) time I saw it was after I was sober for awhile…that time I bawled like a baby thinking about what I put my husband and family through.

        Great movie.

        Sherry

  9. One of the most freeing things i have learned in sobriety is that what others think of me is none of my business. Taking this out into the real world, what it doesn’t mean is that I can do whatI want and screw everyone else, but it gives me the freedom to do what I do and let the chips fall where they may. In early sobriety I turned down a lot of invitations because i didn’t want to be in bars and i had to protect myself in hard drinking situations. It just didn’t matter to me why others tonight, my intentions were self-protective. Once I started working the steps and getting a more solid foundation in my sobriety it got easier and easier to be out and about i social situations, and it will for you too.
    I don’t have to deal with a husband and his expectations or ultimatums around my drinking..I admire so much those of you who do. The bottom line is, as always, that you have to get to a point where you see that you are doing this for yourself, not anyone else. The more comfortable you get with that the more comfortable those around you will be; husbands, friends, etc.
    4 months is awesome! One trick I learned early on was to write gratitude lists…that has grounded me my whole sobriety. When I look at my life now, or even when I was 4 months sober vs. drinking, the change was so huge that it kept me moving forward.
    You are doing a great job!

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