Random, out of nowhere trigger


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Yesterday I was enjoying a bit of quite time, neither of the men were home.  I have gotten behind in my monthly magazine subscriptions, so I sat down on the couch with my stack, and proceeded to try to get through the pile.  For some reason, if I don’t read the precious month’s issue before the new one comes, it gets me stressed out.  Seriously, who gets stressed out by magazines piling up, an alcoholic control freak, that is who.

I digress.  I picked up the latest issue of Self Magazine, and proceeded to flipped through the pages and read.  I originally subscribed to Self because it has great fitness routines, interesting beauty advice, and often delicious healthy recipes.  I have frequently ripped pages out for future reference.

As I reached the end of the issue, I turned the page to a headline:

The Booze Fat Trap.  “Alcohol can make you  hungrier, and heavier, reveals new science.  And it goes beyond the calories in your cocktail.  Before you go order a round, follow these strategies to do bikini-body damage control”

I turned the page and there was a two page spread about how to drink to stay slim.

Here were the headlines of the articles:

5 Sneaky ways booze makes you gain

Cut down your drink cals

And here’s you stay-slim action plan

At the bottom of the page was this:

Want to Make Healthier Cocktails At Home?  followed by a link to a page on their website called new slimmer summer drinks.


Of course, this two page layout had beautiful pictures of lovely looking cocktails.


I read all of this, finished the magazine, and put it in the done pile.

I then noticed a complete change in my mood.  I went from feeling good about having some silence and alone time, to feeling supremely sad.

I sat there trying to get a handle on what the hell just happened?

I had a good day with the hubby, no arguing, check.

I hadn’t seen my son, so no arguing, check.

What just happened here?

I suddenly realized it was the article.  It did not make me want to drink, per se.  It just made me want to have the CHOICE to drink if I wanted it.  (Which we all know how well that would go.)

I have no idea why I had this reaction, it came out of no where.  I let it sit for a while.  I realized that along with this sadness, I was  hungry and tired, which are also triggers.

After I had a nice dinner, I revisited the article.  It then made me MAD.  

I have probably never noticed alcohol related stories in this magazine before, but when I really thought about it, I wondered how alcohol, and a health and fitness magazine fit.  There is nothing healthy about alcohol, in fact it is a poison.  Promoting a way to drink, more than one drink, and stay slim, is just a bad message.  Attaching a link to their website for more delicious, low calorie options, was absurd.

No where on the page did they recommend not drinking, or drinking in moderation.  No statistics about how bad it is for women to consume a lot of alcohol, no links to any medical websites.

Instead they were promoting drinking and advising you how to do it so as not to consume copious amounts of additional calories.  Drinking to maintain your bikini-body.

I sent them an email this morning cancelling my subscription.



16 thoughts on “Random, out of nowhere trigger

  1. always with the glamorous side of things… sure, for a non alcoholic!
    Good for you on your choice to cancel.

  2. Oh, those summer cocktails look delicious! That is going to be a struggle for me at the cabin this year. I purposely did not go there last year after I was let loose from Hazelden. But,I will try my best! You can do it too! Xoxo

    • They do, but they weren’t my poison. A nice big fat glass of white wine, and then of course the rest of the gigantic bottle to go with it.
      Vicodin for you huh? I had my days with that after I had shoulder surgery.
      There was nothing I liked better than a Vicodin or two and a few glasses of wine.
      Oh well, times have changed, and now I am raging at magazines. Hmmm.

      • I was planning on sharing this later….. But husband SELLS wine/booze for a living!!! Guess how I washed down Vicodin, Xanax, adderall, ambien??? RED WINE!!! I was a total fall down drunk hopped up on pills…….. Gives me anxiety just thinking about it…..

      • The crazy thing is you got a DUI for driving while on Ambient. The Kennedy’s do it and it isn’t a problem!
        Good for you for getting sober. It is hard work!
        I loved red wine too until it started making me sweat to much at night. Did I quit? He’ll no I switched to white and got a prescription for Ambien!

  3. Ugh, there was a similar article in a UK fitness magazine this month. Made me raging 😦

    I totally get wanting to have the ‘choice’ to drink. I think that acceptance is quite possibly the hardest bit of sobriety…

    • I accept it, it just doesn’t always feel so great. So maybe that isn’t acceptance. I can’t quite figure out how to say it. I know I can’t drink, and won’t drink but I guess I miss the freedom of the choice. Even though I have made a choice.
      Talking in circles.
      I wish they would stop making it look so glamorous and sexy. I miss being glamorous at the bar with a sexy drink in my hand.
      Then I don’t miss anything else about any of it.

  4. The last part about canceling the subscription made me YOL (Yell out loud) “You go girl!”

    I get mad when I see friends posting articles on FB about the health benefits of booze. I want to tell them they are in denial. Water with lemon is healthy and no hangover! Very irritating.

  5. Good for you that you recognized where the sadness was coming from. Turning your sadness into anger and ultimately ACTION is awesome. You are taking control of those things that you can. Inspirational!

  6. It’s weird how things can change so quickly in sobriety, isn’t it? I was reflecting last night about this. I can go from happy and serene bothered and squirrely so fast, and based on so little. I’ve got to be so careful now. If I let a few careless words slip out of my mouth, I’m in my head for hours. Some things, like that magazine article, can sneak attack from outside too. That thing went from “don’t drink” to “drink more” in 2 seconds flat. It’s a jungle out there.

  7. Well, I guess I see it as this – 90% of the population can drink normally. The magazines know that no matter how fit or unfit their target audience is, most of them drink. So they keep that in mind when they write those articles. They are, I suppose, just giving the warning signs of weight gain (and I understand, because I ate like a pig when drunk. i don’t understand those guys who never ate while drinking – it made me ravenous!). Perhaps their target audience hits the gym 3-4 times a week, they feel good about themselves, and think it’s okay to have a few mixed bevvies, not knowing that it’s erasing some of their workout and impact.

    So, I can’t blame them.

    I do remember when I got sober, I was aware of EVERY drinking ad everywhere – on billboards, magazines, newspapers, tv…it drove me batty. I too was upset at times…but I had to come to a place where I couldn’t get mad at booze. It’s a clear liquid. I think, like you, I was mad that others could drink and I couldn’t. THAT was the issue. So I won’t go and tell anyone I know about their drinking. I won’t get upset that I get full catalogues in the newspaper from the liquor board. I won’t get mad that all the beer commercials make it look like everyone is having a great time. It just doesn’t serve me, and it’s something I won’t be able to stop or control. They will advertise in nefarious ways, of course, targeting women and young folks. I don’t have to like it, but I let it be. Cancelling your subscription won’t stop them from continuing to do so, but if that is what speaks to you, then that’s good. But realize that they aren’t going to sell much if they give links to alcohol-related health problems 🙂

    Anyway, it’s a personal decision, and most of us go through this phase of reacting to alcohol and ads.


    • One thing that happened to me in Shanghai was that I stopped counting the beers in the fridge after a while. My housemate always had beers in the fridge. At first, every time I opened the fridge, I’d mentally note: 3 beers. Eventually, I stopped doing that. It’s like you said about the ads and such. Alcohol and alcohol related text and photography is everywhere. But new habits do begin to replace old ones. And eventually one becomes habituated to seeing, and not noticing, booze. It’s been over 4 months since my last drink, though, and I still note the liquor stores – the little ones with the old school neon signs. There’s one, I think. It goes on my mental map of mom and pop liquor stores of Los Angeles county. It’s an involuntary reaction.

      • Yeah, I was doing the same thing when we went out to eat. I know exactly what everyone drank. Also, everyone seated around us.
        I have since stopped doing that, so I guess it is baby steps. 🙂

    • I know I was irrational. I am not going to stop alcohol advertising or articles just because I stopped drinking. That one just blindsided me. Maybe another day, I would have just flipped past the page and said, eh, nothing here for me.
      I get to many magazines anyway. This one is almost a duplicate of another one I get. Basically all the same articles, so I felt better saying Cancel! Just like all of the people offended by Sports Illustrated’s swimsuit issue every year.
      Thanks for your spot on insights.

  8. I love that you need to get through your magazines before the next ones arrive. That’s funny. But seriously, I totally agree with you, how about recommending cutting out alcohol altogether as an alternative Self magazine! Its so engrained in our culture, I hate it.

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