Control freak, OCD, or just crazy, you tell me….

download (1)   I have a lot of crazy banging around inside my head.  I may have been born this way, but I think I have been gathering it up as I have rolled through life.  Kind of like a snowball getting bigger and bigger as you roll it around, that is how I perceive my own personal crazy.  Since I am now sober, I have the clarity to see exactly what consumes my mind and time. My husband says I am a control freak.  That may be. I could possibly have obsessive compulsive disorder, but I don’t think so. It is something, that is for sure. Here is a list, you decide for yourself.  Please, let me know, I am very open to diagnosis. Pillows and pillow cases:  I sleep with 7 pillows. There are a couple of different kinds of pillows, each kind gets its own particular pillow case.  When I put the pillow case on, the tags of the pillow have to be facing in.  The pillows go in a particular order when I arrange them to go to sleep.  The openings of the cases have to face a certain way.  I know if my husband has tried to take one of MY pillows.  I have yanked it out from under his head while he was sleeping to get it back.  When I make the bed in the morning, the pillows go on the bed in a certain order. Making the bed: I NEVER leave the house without making MY bed.  I could care less what anyone else who lives here does.  I make mine every day, and change the sheets every Friday.  All of this is done without fail.  If I have an appointment, I make sure bed making time is in the time schedule.  God forbid a thief come into my home and find my bed unmade.  (That is the actual thought process, along with a whole bunch on angst.) Toilet lids:  They must be down.  Nothing worse than walking into the bathroom and looking  into the bowl. Dishwasher Loading:  My way, because it is the right way, and I can get way more dishes into the machine than any other person living here.  If the dishes are in the “wrong” place, I rearrange as I load it throughout the day.  That means that I complain to everyone about putting their dirty dishes in, and then when they do, I move them around.  Dishes are not to be left in the sink or on the dish rack when leaving the home.  (Again, what would the robbers think…seriously, what am I a slob?) Refrigerator Organization: There is a particular shelf for everything that goes into the refrigerator.  Of course, only I have the map.  If things are not where I deem is the proper spot, I rearrange.  Plus I get aggravated at the same time.  Stupid, because no one knows the code. Feet Washing:  If I have walked barefoot during the day, I wash my feet before I get into bed.  This is a germ and dirt issue.  I do not want them down at the bottom of the bed lurking and reproducing.  Dirty feet on my side of the bed just do not happen.  (No shoes on the bed either, on the feet or just resting sitting there, yuck.) Chapstick:  Completely and totally addicted.  There is one in my car, purse, on my night table, on the coffee table for television watching, and in my gym bag.  When we go away I always pack an extra in with my toiletries.  If I have on something that has pockets, there is one in there also.  If I can’t find one, of lose it, I stop and buy a new one immediately.  Just typing this made me have to put some on.  (I just did.) I don’t know how I used to work full time, this shit is a full time job. Sheesh.


18 thoughts on “Control freak, OCD, or just crazy, you tell me….

  1. It is totally possible to be someone who is particular and craves control without having obsessive compulsive disorder.
    By definition, a “disorder” is only diagnosed when specific symptoms are negatively effecting your life. Small compulsions that don’t keep you from living a full life do not count as a disorder.
    If, let’s say, you felt like you would die if one of your pillows was out of place… that might be something to look into. Or if you could never get to work on time because you were too busy obsessing over making your bed over and over again, that might also be a problem.
    I am not a doctor (I always want to throw that out there) but I do have an OCD diagnosis and what I experience appears to be a step beyond what you have described. If my bed isn’t made correctly at my feet I am certain I will die. The thought process around the things I do isn’t logical, and there is an element of fear that rules the entirety of my actions.
    So I guess, ultimately, it is up to you to consider how your actions are effecting your life. Do they hold you back ever (would you benefit from receiving help)? If so, you may want to talk to your doctor. If not, you might just be another person with OCD “tendencies”, not the disorder itself.

    • Thank you. Your response was very insightful. I guess it is tendencies, though sometimes it goes a little beyond. Especially the nutty pillow thing. That would lead to insomnia until it was straightened out. Insomnia is where it came from initially.

  2. Omg I agree on the toilet lid. I always put it down. And yes on Chapstick too. I have it everywhere. We should buy stock in the company 😉
    – Christy
    (Congrats on your sobriety! Keep up the hard work!)

    • While reading your comment I was putting on Chopstick. I can do it one handed, lid off, apply, lid back on. Stock in the company would be awesome if I received free products. 🙂 Thanks for the congratulations, 20 more days and it is half a year. Amazeballs!

  3. I can relate — especially to the pillow thing. My husband better not even think of taking one of my 5 pillows!

    Great post!

  4. I’m with you on the dishwasher. No one can fit more than me! I think most people have things that they like a certain way, even to the point of needing them a certain way. It probably has something to do with the world being a dangerous place and us needing to feel somewhat in control of it. The comment from Sarah is really eye-opening because it points out the difference a quirk and a behavior that negatively affects our ability to live a full life.

  5. Yep, Chapstick. God’s gift to alcoholics in recovery. It honestly gives me something to do with my hands and the waxy smell is stronger than someone else’s drink (At least in my mind!). The pillows? Well, I have a sleep number pillow that I can deflate in the night if my neck gets sore. Do I? No, because everything has to be just so when I go to bed and that would disrupt the pattern. Oh, and I have to have my beige, microfiber blanket spread vertically beneath me before I can settle in.
    As for the dishwasher…if everyone in my house would just load it the way I want it done, I swear world peace would be right around the corner!

    I’m okay with my quirks. As I gain more sobriety, they become less important. I know it’s partially a control issue, but some of it is sheer comfort. I will say, the dishwasher has taught me tolerance of others because when I start to help out at their homes, I grab a dish rag and wipe the counters instead because I respect that their house is not my business. (I used to think it was my problem….) So, baby steps.

    Keep on keeping on. You’re doing the next right thing.

  6. The bedtime routine, pillows, darkness etc all stem from insomnia I suffered at age 14. The are the rituals that make me comfortable enough to sleep. The others are oddities I have gathered along my way through life. I am sure I could lighten up a little on a few.
    Not the ChapStick, I think there is an addictive additive in that stuff. 🙂

  7. I’m with you on the dishwasher and fridge things! The pillows seem a little extreme. I like the clean feet thing. Guys have disgusting feet!

  8. I want to be the supportive person in this group, I even read all the comments, which were all insightful. I had hoped to have read some that offered comments from the other perspective. Because I am experiencing things from the other end of someone’s tendencies. These tendencies make me crazy, I not only have to remember things I do, but I have to remember all the little things my husband does, without fail. Its expected of me. Yes, we have been together eighteen years, but his tendencies get worse, and change, no notification, I can not move furniture to dust, if I watch a movie and don’t put the disc back in exactly the same way that individual disc was, he calls me out. He has an order of getting himself up and ready, when he starts, I can not talk to him AT ALL. If I do he gets upset, messes him up, and he will have to start over. In the vehicle he can drink/eat, no one else can. Last weekend our aunt and uncle were down, he had bottled water all day in our travels, we watched him drink it. He’s kicked his mom out of our house because she moved an ashtray that was sitting on the deck as decoration. He nearly kicked his sister out of his car for bringing a malt in the car and refusing to mind his rule.. We will decide on a time to leave somewhere, he makes it NO priority to tell me when he wants to go later, or if he is running late, So I go about getting ready, and try to find things to do until he is ready. If he sees me doing other things this slows him down. Before leaving he has to check everything I touched, and straighten, (some things I haven’t touched.) He has to go through every room and make sure lights are either on or off, depending on which ones e deems necessary. He has to click a light on and off several times, for what??? Yesterday, It took nine hours for him to get ready to ‘run’ to home depot for six bags of rock so I could garden. Now today, we have spent all day arguing because he didn’t get to do something yesterday. Brian wasn’t like this when we met, he steadily worsened as he aged. He isn’t like this at work, just home. He controls home because he don’t have that choice at work, I get it, but it makes it a Nazi camp here. I doubt you wanted to hear all this, but it was a great venting. But my point is, your husband may be having some stressful moments over things you see as necessary. And I’m not implying you haven’t seen it from his side, I just wanted to give some feedback from someone who is on the other side of the situation. I am so glad you are sober, and I admire that you recognize these tendencies. Part of my husband’s and my issue, is he excuses this behavior as being (3-4 generation) german and military. If you have any constructive insight on how I can understand his tendencies I am all for it because I tell him that I could be diagnosed with intermittent explosive disorder, the trigger is his ocd…good luck and God bless.

    • Wow. You have a lot going on with your husband. Maybe it would help if you could go talk ti a professional and see what they suggest. I am no expert what so ever. I know I am quirky, but your husband seems extreme. I know there is medication for LCD. But you would hsve to get him to a doctor. I feel for you and come by and vent anytime 🙂 Hugs to you you need one!

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