When I was consuming a 1.5L bottle of Barefoot a day/night, I had a very strict bedtime of 10 pm. I set that time so that I could minimize the hangover. My rational was if I finished off the bottle by 10 pm, I would feel less crappy in the morning because I would have gotten more sleep.
Obviously this was a completely ill conceived notion. It really made no difference how long it took me to drink the bottle of wine. I felt like shit every morning anyway. I also wasn’t really sleeping, I was passing out.
My bedtime routine was to take two Alleve and a 1/2 an Ambien when I went to bed, so that I could go to sleep.(Really, with that much booze in my system, I did not need any sleep aids.) Then when the alcohol wore off around 2-3 am and my eyes popped open like it was morning, I would take a 1/2 a Valium to go back to sleep. Dumping all of these drugs into my body seemed to work to lessen the agony of the hang over in the morning. Instead of it being crippling, it was tolerable enough to last until I could take a nap in the afternoon.
Every morning my first thought of the day was, what time will I be able to fit in a nap? It makes me ill to think about that now. This is what I called life
After I figured out my nap time, I would then run my tongue along my teeth to see how thick the fur was. This was my litmus test to see how good or bad I would feel when my feet hit the floor. A lot of fur, bad, a small amount, not so bad. I would then stumble to the coffee pot, to get my body moving, and try to lift the fog from my brain.
Today I have 162 days of sobriety. It is now a pleasure to wake up in the morning. The first thing I do is say the Serenity prayer. The second thing I do is try to visualize good things for each of my loved ones. The third thing I do is figure out what I need to work on that day, patience, negativity, control, or just trying to pay it forward.
I now look forward to going to bed, I don’t have that same sense of urgency about the time. Although I still have a slight panic attack when I notice that I am up past 10 pm, but then I realize it doesn’t matter, because I am really SLEEPING. Most nights I am the last one to go to sleep, and most mornings I am the first one up.
Life is better this way. Sober sleep is amazing. Sober mornings are incredible.
I have seen a lot of beautiful sunrises lately.