Bedtime/Passing Out

 

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When I was consuming a 1.5L bottle of Barefoot a day/night, I had a very strict bedtime of 10 pm.  I set that time so that I could minimize the hangover. My rational was if I finished off the bottle by 10 pm, I would feel less crappy in the morning because I would have gotten more sleep.

Obviously this was a completely ill conceived notion.  It really made no difference how long it took me to drink the bottle of wine.  I felt like shit every morning anyway.  I also wasn’t really sleeping, I was passing out.

My bedtime routine was to take two Alleve and  a 1/2 an Ambien when I went to bed, so that I could go to sleep.(Really, with that much booze in my system, I did not need any sleep aids.)  Then when the alcohol wore off around 2-3 am and my eyes popped open like it was morning,  I would take a 1/2 a Valium to go back to sleep.  Dumping all of these drugs into my body seemed to work to lessen the agony of the hang over in the morning.  Instead of it being crippling, it was tolerable enough to last until I could take a nap in the afternoon.

Every morning my first thought of the day was, what time will I be able to fit in a nap?  It makes me ill to think about that now.  This is what I called life

After I figured out my nap time, I would then run my tongue along my teeth to see how thick the fur was.  This was my litmus test to see how good or bad I would feel when my feet hit the floor.  A lot of fur, bad, a small amount, not so bad.  I would then stumble to the coffee pot, to get my body moving, and try to lift the fog from my brain.

Today I have 162 days of sobriety.  It is now a pleasure to wake up in the morning.  The first thing I do is say the Serenity prayer.  The second thing I do is try to visualize good things for each of my loved ones.  The third thing I do is figure out what I need to work on that day, patience, negativity, control, or just trying to pay it forward.

I now look forward to going to bed, I don’t have that same sense of urgency about the time.  Although I still have a slight panic attack when I notice that I am up past 10 pm, but then I realize  it doesn’t matter, because I am really SLEEPING.  Most nights I am the last one to go to sleep, and most mornings I am the first one up.

Life is better this way.  Sober sleep is amazing.  Sober mornings are incredible.

I have seen a lot of beautiful sunrises lately.

 

DSC_3021 DSC_3026 Morning has broken

 

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16 thoughts on “Bedtime/Passing Out

  1. I rely on sleep now. I rely on it for pleasure. Sobriety is fine enough, but there are plenty of times when I find myself unsatisfied. Sleep is satisfying. I love the dreams.

  2. Thanks for the reminders of the stupid shit I used to do. I particularly love the “when can I take a nap” thought. Of course when given the opportunity, I would drink instead of nap. 🙂 Great post. Have a great 24.

    Art 🙂

  3. I feel so much better, too. However I must admit that I still sleep fitfully and feel generally bad the first hour or so after I wake up. But being only 27 days sober, I guess this is to be expected. Looking forward to having what you have! But I feel better than hungover which is enough for now.

  4. I used to pass out, sleep 8-10 hours, and still wake up tired. I always said it wasn’t real sleep. It was “drunk sleep”. My body was still trying to run around.

  5. I love this post so incredibly much! I completely forgot about plotting my next nap the moment my eye lids opened. I also really look forward to going to bed now that I’m sober… the whole ritual of it really. When I was drinking I could never get to sleep because my body was so hot from the alcohol or I would just pass out completely with my make up on, clothes on, etc.

    The gifts this program gives are innumerable.. but right now, going to sleep and waking up are definitely in my top 5.

  6. This is so beautiful and so inspiring. I love the changes that happen in sobriety, ahh sleep, so taken for granted returns and is cherished, and mornings are enjoyed! I still remember the first time I felt really good in the morning. I remember driving to work at 7am on Sat morning and being amazed by all the people on the road- what the heck were all these people up for so early, I thought, it’s Saturday! Lol!

    I love the pics of the sunrises too!

    • Thanks Maggie. I was inspired during our conversation yesterday. The fur on the teeth. It is so nice to wake up with positive thoughts instead of doing a hangover level check. 🙂
      Those sunrises were before the time changed. I would have to be up really early to get to see them now.

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