As I am approaching 6 months I feel like I am in a holding pattern, circling the airport, lost in infinity, going round and round and round.
I feel like I am just waiting, but waiting for what?
I am waiting to relapse, because this sober business is so…boring, hard, too much work? And why not, statistics point to it, don’t they?
I am waiting to feel comfortable with this sober business, because I am just NOT.
I am waiting to not think about drinking, just for one day, please, just one?
I am waiting to go to places where I used to drink without feeling nervous, anxious, or jittery.
I am waiting for cravings and triggers to go away, I am so sick of seeing pretty drinks, and thinking, I will never have one again. I will never sit on a beach, and have the waiter man bring me a lovely frozen cocktail, drink it, and slowly get a buzz in the sunshine.
I am waiting for one year, because everyone says it is better after a year.
I am waiting to feel “normal” about being sober.
I am am waiting to really, really want to be sober, because right now I don’t.
I am waiting for the happiness that the Big Book promises.