My Virginia road trip is less than 48 hours away.
I have had more than my normal allotment of telephone conversations with my mother over the last few days leading up to my departure. I can feel the negative energy that I am going into through the telephone, it is always there, but knowing I am driving into it is causing me distress. I feel jumpy. bothered, distressed and uneasy.
I have to continuously remind myself that she is a broken individual, and nothing makes her happy, least of all ME.
She is of the epitome of “if you have nothing nice to say, come sit next to me.”
I am trying hard to break that cycle of negativity in my own thinking and living. I am learning to let go, be more positive, and practice patience, all which will be sorely tested in the week to come.
On a positive note, I have the support of my brother and sister in law.
My sister in law sent me the most beautiful card for my 6 month mark. I was a huge surprise, as we are not that close, but it made me realize that I have a strong ally in her.
My brother has posted a few inspirational memes on my Facebook page, which makes me feel that he also understands what I am trying to do.
I have loaded my sober toolbox with things that I think will help: (I am going to make a list, like taking a new path, love lists, you should see the ones I have for this trip)
- Scott R, AA speaker loaded on my Ipod for runs and car rides
- all important and relevant web pages bookmarked for easy access
- Chapter 5 of the Big Book loaded on my Ipod
- Big Book, 12 & 12, and a Women’s Way through the 12 Steps ready to be packed
- Sober notebook ready to be packed
- the beautiful 6 month sober necklace my running buddy gave me is around my neck (it has super powers I think)
- my sponsor on speed dial
- a place to stay should I feel that I need to pack it in and leave in a hurry
- soda water, cranberry pomegranate juice and lemons ready to go in the cooler
- my extremely supportive non drinking step mother at the ready to take telephone calls (she lives with the other parental alcoholic, my father
(If anyone has any suggestions for more tools, PLEASE leave them in the comments, more is better. A suit of armor would be best.)
I hope that I am making a bigger deal of spending this time with my mother than it will really be.
Unfortunately, history shows that I am not, but I have never had 6 months of sobriety under my belt to throw at the situation.
This visit will be living life on life’s terms, feeling feelings, and one minute at a time.