I know I am doing the right thing, but I have big, huge, woolly mammoth sized RESENTMENTS!
I resent the fact that both my brothers lives are going along as normal. One went out to dinner Friday night, and then went to a vineyard yesterday.
The other one, who lives overseas went to a farmer’s market, the playground with his two year old, and out for lunch and drinks.
I know I am doing the right thing, but I am MAD!
I was supposed to go to a medical staff party on the beach, go to a friends summer cottage on the water for the weekend, and run a 5k road race today.
I know I am doing the right thing, but the RESENTMENTS keep closing in.
I went to a meeting yesterday, it was a woman’s meeting. It was awesome, they give out monthly chips, I got an 8 month one! On 8/30, when I am STILL HERE, doing the right thing, I will collect a 9 month one. So, I have that going for me.
My husband, who I often feel is an emotional vacuum, got up early and went to the check in at the road race and got my shirt for me. He called me first thing this morning to tell me. I cried, and then felt a huge RESENTMENT about being here, and doing the right thing.
Today is 260 days. I always try to do something special for myself on days that end with zeros.
I am going to an aerial silks class at 2 pm. Something for me. Something to get me out of this apartment, alone. Something fun. Something that may help to take away some of the detritus of these major RESENTMENTS.
If I keep saying it over and over, maybe my attitude will change:
I know I am doing the right thing, I know I am doing the right thing, I know I am doing the right thing….