The Promises

promises

I had to get up at 4:30 this morning to get my husband to the airport by 6 am for a 7 am flight.  This is the first time he has taken this flight since I have gotten sober.  Having to drive him to the airport for this particular flight used to be my worst nightmare.

A lot of strategizing had to go into my drinking the night prior.  I wanted to be alert enough and not feeling too crappy when I had to get up at that god for saken hour.  Logistics and planning were important. I wanted to get drunk, but not TOO drunk.   It was all about obtaining that certain level of numbness, drunkenness, and inebriation.  Once that level was reached, I was successful,  the goal has been achieved, and therefore I could go to bed.

I would then take my two Alleve, and a Valium hoping to stave off a nasty hangover, especially with the “sleep” time being cut short.  I would awaken throughout the night to check the time to see how much longer I could lie prone, my body doing something that was supposed to resemble sleep.

I still woke up, every time, feeling like crap.  I would drag my butt to the coffee pot, slug down two cups, put on sweats and load into the car.  Half drugged on the Valium, half hung over.  I couldn’t wait to get this god awful chore over with so that I could go back to bed.

I would drop him off quickly, and head home.  Once there I would take another Valium and go back to bed for however long my alcohol ravaged body would let me rest on this go round.

What a way to live, huh?

What a difference 339 days makes.  When the alarm went off at 4:30, I walked out and got a cup of coffee.  I then went back into the bedroom where I made the bed, washed my face and put on my running clothes.

I sat down at my computer, read my email, cruised through Facebook, and took a quick glance at WordPress.  It was time to go, I grabbed my list of things to do off my desk, along with my Ipod, a to go coffee and got in the drivers seat.  I had the hubs at the airport by 5:50, and was walking in the door of Wal-Mart at 6am.  (BTW, great time to shop, NO ONE is in there, imagine??)  I got the shopping done, and headed to Lowes where I picked up the brackets I needed to put the shelf that collapsed in the closet back up.  (NO ONE is in Lowes at 7am either, just an FYI)

I was at the park for my run by 7:45.  I pounded out 4.5 miles, and arrived right on time for my doctor’s appointment at 8:45.

The wait to see my doctor put a huge crimp in my schedule, but nonetheless, I was home by 11am. I took a shower,  ate some lunch and went to work in the closet.  I had that project completed, along with a closet purge by 2pm.  I looks great, organized, color coordinated.  It put me in my happy place.

I vacuumed the living room and kitchen, and then decided to sit down. I looked around and thought, wow I have accomplished a lot today, and I am not exhausted, a bit tired of course, but I can manage until bedtime.

I then thought about The AA Promises.  I had been to a lot of Promises meetings over the summer. People qualifying about how great their lives have gotten since they got sober, and how the The Promises have come true.  Not every day, but they are there.  I kept thinking to myself, when am I going to feel that good about being sober?  When are the Promise’s going to show themselves to me?

I saw them today, today was an incredible day.  I never would have had this day if I was still guzzling white wine like it was Kool Aid.

Today, the Promises came true.  Today, I am truly grateful to be sober.

#runfie

#runfie

Advertisements

12 thoughts on “The Promises

  1. GREAT post. I love reading about how peoples lives have improved in such innocuous ways, such as taking your husband to the airport. Thanks for the inspiration. I am on day 45, but my mind keeps going to wanting to drink. It doesn’t make sense. Why would I want to drink if my life is so incredibly, extremely better without alcohol?

    Anyways, thanks again!

    • I still have cravings too. I think we are just so used to numbing everything. Happy, sad, angry, glad we drank. It takes a lot of time for that not to be our go to behavior. It gets easier. You are doing great. 45 days is awesome!

  2. Those promises do come true.
    Why oh why did we cling to that old existance for so long (mine was eerily similar, but I had no Valium so I was crippled with panic attacks regularly)?

    Thanks for a glimpse into a beautiful sober day!

  3. omg…
    thank god we don’t have to live like that anymore, right?
    i LOVED this post…..just an incredible share of what it was like and what it’s like now.
    And a great reminder to me to look at the way the promises come true in so many ways…small and big.
    Yay you!

    • I sat at those meetings every week, all summer long in NY. Thinking, how come these people have this and I don’t. I may have been looking at it the wrong way. It just hit me on Tuesday that, yeah, I have that, at least for that day. Never would have had that day with a bottle of wine in me the night before. A gift for sure.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s