I picked up my 60 day chip on Monday night. It made me feel like shit.
When I got sober, from alcohol, in 2013, each milestone felt amazing. This just feels crappy.
Rigorous honesty sucks. I feel like quitting AA again, just so I can walk around saying I have 3+ years of sobriety. White knuckle it, again. It worked so well the last time.
Being a weak ass addict sucks too. I am not even sure, right at this moment, that if a Vicodin landed on my desk, I wouldn’t take it, and that REALLY sucks.
It has entered my mind just to say fuck it to all of it, and chuck it all.
The damage is done, I could go back to my old ways, then quit again, and be where I am right now. In my warped thinking, that would feel like a true reset.
Go big or go home.