Relapse-Reset & Rigerous Honesty Sucks

I picked up my 60 day chip on Monday night. It made me feel like shit.

When I got sober, from alcohol, in 2013, each milestone felt amazing. This just feels crappy.

Rigorous honesty sucks. I feel like quitting AA again, just so I can walk around saying I have 3+ years of sobriety. White knuckle it, again. It worked so well the last time. :/

Being a weak ass addict sucks too. I am not even sure, right at this moment, that if a Vicodin landed on my desk, I wouldn’t take it, and that REALLY sucks.

It has entered my mind just to say fuck it to all of it, and chuck it all.

The damage is done, I could go back to my old ways, then quit again, and be where I am right now. In my warped thinking, that would feel like a true reset.

Go big or go home.

 

 

Advertisements

9 thoughts on “Relapse-Reset & Rigerous Honesty Sucks

  1. or you could go back to your old ways, feel miserable. drink more trying to ease the feelings, hit the vicodin when that doesn’t work, lose your friends, family, self-respect and do what alcohol and drugs wants all of us addicts to do..which is to die.

    60 days is amazing. keep going. you didn’t lose your sober time, you went deeper, got honest, you GREW! keep growing…

  2. Or you could just hold on to that new chip and remind yourself you are back on the simpler path.

    You are going big. Anything else would just suck.

    Hug. Thank you for sharing.

    Anne

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s