About Me

I am an alcoholic and addict. I have 3+ years sober from alcohol. I have 3 days sober from opiates, the longest I have had is 1 year.   Life is messy, right now, mine is the messiest it has been in quite some time. My husband and I are living with and taking care of his 101 year old father, a role I thought I would enjoy, but loathe.

Our marriage has taken some hits, husband is now drinking to much, and the old man is mean and ungrateful. Through it all I have not picked up a drink, but the call of the pills sometimes is too much to run from.

I have been in and out of AA. I am in right now, all in. My sobriety has once again become my priority, if I loose that, the house of cards I am living in will come tumbling down and all I will have left is rubble.

I am working at it every day, now more than ever.

I have many blessings in my life, I am a very lucky woman, I just need to keep my mind where my feet are, and I think will be able to muddle through. One moment, one day at a time.

I had my last drink on November 30, 2013. I had my last opiate on February 17, 2017.

Running has always been my passion, for the last 18 months, the time we have been caretakers, running has become my life line. It is wonderful, yet it still doesn’t quite the noise. No matter how far or fast I go, the minute my head hits the pillow, the hamster gets on her squeaky wheel.

This is my journal, I need to get the noise out of my head, and this is where it is going to live.

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39 thoughts on “About Me

      • Dear Soberlearning,
        I am a Psychotherapist in Cinnaminson, NJ and have written two books to help children cope with and understand alcoholism. These books were written at the request of a client who wanted to explain his alcoholism to his young daughter and was having trouble finding the “right” book to do the job.
        “Daddy’s Disease” and “Mommy’s Disease” have been on the cover of the “Courier Post”, featured on NPR’s “Voices in the Family” with Dr. Dan Gottleib, and on Take 12 Radio.
        I would very much appreciate your considering reviewing my books for your blog and would be happy to send you copies of the books if you are interested. (electronically or hard copy)
        Thank you so much for your time and for the good work you do.
        Best,
        Carolyn Hannan Bell, M.S., L.P.C.
        http://www.alcoholismhurtskids.com

  1. Welcome to the wonderful world of blogging! Tag Serach Alcoholics, Alcohol, Addiction to find others who are also sharing your journey!! If you take some time to read about the experiences of others and leave some comments here and there it wont be too long before you have created your own little community – a place where you can feel safe and share your experiences, all while getting a whole range of advice – some supportive, some maybe not so much, but you can use what works and leave the rest behind!

    You are doing a wonderful thing, consciously making a decision to make your life better and grow as a person! YES it will be hard sometimes (maybe alot initially) BUT we don’t get feelings of accomplishment from doing things that are easy… do we?

    You can do it! Keep going 🙂

    Miss Lou
    xx

  2. Thank you Miss Lou. I have already met some great people, and I hope to continue. Getting sober seems to be an emotional purge. Hopefully I can get rid of a lot of rocks in this bag of life that I carry around with blogging.

    Some days I wonder if I have indeed made the right choice, but then I get 8 1/2 hours of rocking, feel rested to my soul, sober sleep, and I just know that I can’t go back, at least not for today.

    Nice to meet you.
    🙂

  3. Hi, thank you for stopping by my blog. And congrats on your journey to a better life. Sobriety may be dificult at times but the rewards are truly amazing. Don’t worry about alcoholic and forever, those are just words, try to focus on you, one day at a time, keep trudging forward. Sending hugs.

  4. Good luck to you as you journey on to sobriety. We are similar in that we have the same start month as well as husbands who said “Game over if you don’t quit.” Have you tried an meetings in person? I have found they help me tremendously; I have much less guilt today than even a few weeks ago.
    Keep the faith, Linda

    • Thank you. Good luck to you also. How many days do you have? Or are you not counting? Yes, I have gone to two AA meetings. It was a hard decision to make to step through the door, but I find that it is very helpful. I am feeling pretty good myself. It is nice not to wake up filled with self-loathing, guilt and empty promises. I would like to discuss AA further with you, as I am not real sure I am at the right meeting. Keep on keeping on 🙂

      • Hey girl. Checking in with you. I’m at 162 days so about 5 1/2 months. I go to AA about three times a week. I have found being around like-minded people helps tremendously. The more I went and hung out before and/or after meetings, the more I realized I am no different than anyone else. Hope you are doing well.

      • 162, you go girl!! I am at 139. About a month behind you. I am going to AA once a week, sometimes twice. I have been searching for a sponsor, someone to help me work the steps to find what they all see to have in that room. No one seemed to fit, so I got VERY lucky, and Maggie over at Sober Courage agreed to do it. 🙂 I am so happy I could…smile!! I love AA, isn’t it great to be the “normal” people in the room?

  5. Forever is a long time.
    Its easier for me to break it down to the time between when I get out of bed in the morning and the time I go to bed at night. Just for today. Tomorrow, who knows. For this day I am not drinking.

    • I realize that everyone says don’t think about forever, it is too hard, but for me, it helps motivate me to keep going. I wake up every day, and say I will not drink today, but I also say, I can’t ever drink again. I have to own that as the inevitable as much as I have to own today’s challenge. That is how I am wired.
      I also read the last page of a book right after the first chapter, that way I know how the story ends.

      • Funny about the last page thing. I do that to.

        Though if I looked at “my book”, never in my wildest dreams could I have ever thought that sobriety could be as good as it is. It is amazing.

  6. Hey sober learning. Your posts help me. I appreciate them. It’s not about the amount of time or the knowledge you bring in, it’s about your honesty. Keep on posting, and I’ll keep reading, and we’ll both be a little more likely to stay sober. And wow is that a miracle for a worthless drunk like me.

  7. My initial date was November 28, 2013 and made it all the way to March 1, 2014 and got big britches , thinking I could go eat lunch and have a margarita. I made it home at 4 am. I am devastated and humble. I am an alcoholic. It is not when I drink, (you hear people say I never drink in the morning), how much one drinks, (only on the weekends), but WHAT happens to a person when they drink. Honestly those 93 days were great!! No real cravings but the addicted mind told me to try one more time….It knocked me to my knees…..No more trying. Moderation is not an option……My name is Kelly.

    • Hi Kelly,
      I have been there so many times. I have been drinking every night, except for one year and two pregnancies, since I was in my 20’s. I drank alone, at parties, in bars. I hated what I was doing, but I never stopped. I tried moderation, it just DOES NOT work, not for me. The hardest part about it is realizing that I am different. I can not be a NORMAL drinker. That is what I like about AA. It is a room full of people, just like me, they can’t stop at one drink, ever.
      Welcome back to Day 1, good to have you back.
      My name is Laura.

  8. Hey! Nice to meet you here in the blogging world. I knew I felt a connection when you visited my blog. I’m 51, sober since July 2013. In my previous life I was a wine drinker, from the huge ass bottles you referred to in a recent comment on your blog. No more.

    BTW, I also write for myself — so I get what you mean. There are some amazingly talented writers around and then there’s me. 🙂

    I look forward to being apart of your journey.

    Fern

    • Nice connecting with you too Fern. I gave up my huge ass bottles a little later. November 30, 2013. I am not blogging to win writing awards, I am doing it for me and to connect with people like you. On the same road to getting and staying sober.
      Thanks for saying hi.
      Laura

  9. I like your blog. My date is dec 1, 2013.
    I like to think I font ever want to drink again. The word can’t causes me to rebel.

  10. I just found your blog through Lucy at ahangoverfreelife. I love your sunflowers and I’m really enjoying your writing. I’m a 53 year old teacher with a similar story (I know, we’re ALL alike in so many ways). Instead of tackling one of the million projects on my summer to do list, I have grabbed a cup of coffee and climbed back into my comfy bed (sorry!) to read your story from the beginning. I’m on day 145 thanks to the BFB, Belle, and bloggers like Lucy and Mrs. D. It’s nice to meet you! 🙂
    Julie

  11. Thank you for supporting my blog. I am thrilled with your opening words about how you found yourself here. Keep up the awesome work. All of us are afraid of those two words. It sucks but it is what it is and I know that if I wasn’t who I was (addict) I would be a lot worse off. I have learned to think for myself, use universal principles in all my affairs and knowing that I don’t know near as much as I thought I did are a few monstrous sized standards that have made living sober- that much better. A curse and a gift. If we use it to structure ourselves morally in a positive way, there is no stopping our unseen growth. I can’t wait to read more of your blog! Thanks again for stopping by my blog. Have a great weekend.
    -Dustin

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